Ageism and Aging

Let's talk about aging and ageism.  About getting older and not keeping up with the times.  Gaining more wrinkles and grey hair and maybe wisdom, but not being hip to all that the Millennial and GenX generations know as second nature.  I joke that I was on the edge of being a hippie, was too old to be a hipster, and now just need a hip replacement.  Not really, but you get the gist.  

Many times, when I gather with friends and family, (and I use gather metaphorically because it is usually a phone call in these pandemic times) the subject of health happens along.  People love to casually chat about their medications and ailments.  I am regaled with how many trips to how many doctors.  I get to hear all about diagnosis, prognosis, and everything in between.  If per chance we are in person, there can sometimes be a competitive spirit to the modern-day version of our childhood game Operation.  Whoever takes the most drugs or has the most disorders wins.  We talk about health care plans and deductibles.  Premiums and prescription drug plans.  I kind of miss bragging about my toddlers...

Have you gone to the grocery store lately?  There are QR codes on the sale items that one can scan, that takes you to the store's app, then you can virtually clip the coupon and get the best deal.  Personally, I don't care to shop with my phone in one hand while pushing the cart with the other.  Don't they know that people my age need to hold on to the buggy with both hands to prevent a slip and fall in aisle six?  Recently I was staying in a nice condo down the shore* and there was a laundry room in the basement.  I asked my brother to get me a couple of rolls of quarters at the bank because I erroneously thought I would need them to lather my lingerie.  Nope!  All I had to do was download an app, put money in my account, bring my cell phone to the laundry room, make sure I was on Wi-Fi, load my granny panties in the machine, put in the soap, close the door and scan the QR code on the top of the washer.  Whew.  I was sweating after all that.  And my brother?  He returned the two rolls of Washingtons to the bank and then ended up needing them himself during an unexpected trip to upstate New York.  The hotel laundry where he was staying, while his son convalesced in a nearby hospital wasn't high tech.  That is probably a good thing.

Making a connection between doctors and apps, when I go to my health care facility, I can check in from my car, because as soon as I hit the parking lot I am sent a text with instructions to do so.  I always wonder if I check in first, then exit my car, walk to the entrance, hit the loo, (because it was a five-minute drive from home!) will they call my name and think I changed my mind?  I need a good ten minutes to collect my purse, take the walk and take care of my personal needs.  So far, this hasn't presented any problems.  I can also order my meds, talk to my doctor, check an EOB**, make appointments and so much more, right in the palm of my hand.

In some ways, I know I am ahead of the game in both of these realms.  Before I exited my fourth decade of life, I was diagnosed with an auto-immune disease.  I had to go through the three A's at an age where I had more mental capacity than I do now.  I became aware of the situation.  Then after some tears of denial and disbelief, I came to accept that this would be a life-changing disease for me.  Then I was able to think out what kind of action I would need to take to live with this diagnosis.  Now when I hear some negative medical news, I remember these steps, as well as knowing that excessive worry or avoidance is not going to improve anything.  Then I get to work.  Internal work, if you will.  I often consult Dr. Google, but I don't take everything I read as fact. I ask too many questions of my doctor.  (I was a former EMT and EFDA***, so a little knowledge goes a long way to being a nudge.)  I look into what is good and what is bad to eat.  I maintain my movement and meditation practices.  And if all else fails, I have a good cry and move on.

Recently a friend phoned me to talk about how I came to just obediently take my meds and not obsess about the side-effects.  I confessed that it was an arduous journey.  When I first started taking methotrexate (MTX) orally, eight tabs every week, I thought I might be poisoning myself.  This is a low-dose chemotherapy drug used to quell an overactive immune system.  I had spent years in the realm of eastern medicinal/herbal philosophies.  I went to mid-wives.  I was addicted to Celestial Seasonings Tea.  (I am a loyal ABC'er****)  I stocked up on vitamin C and echinacea.  I used the rock under my arms.  Now I was being asked to eschew all those core beliefs and take a drug that causes hair loss, soft nails, and other less vain but more serious perils and pitfalls.  Like liver disease and lymphoma.  But I had to put that all aside to make this med effective, not only in my body, but in my mind.  Recalling my own experience not only gave my friend some hope, but it also reminded me that I have come a long way in the process.  These days I inject MTX weekly, and a biologic monthly.  Do I like being on these heavy-duty therapies?  No.  But I do like being able to walk and dance and swim.  And I enjoy diminished pain.  

Cell phones became popular when my three millennial children came of age, so to speak.  I realized early on that if I didn't learn to text, I would always be in the dark.  I don't love all this technology, but I embrace it as best I can.  If I don't know how to do something, like how to post on Insta, or unfriend on Facebook, I ask a kid.  In retrospect, I didn't give birth to three kids, I guaranteed myself a few social media advisors.  I've downloaded some games, like backgammon and Words with Friends, but mostly I use my phone judiciously for things that matter.  Like Wordle.  I take advantage of GPS because I can use it on the go, in my car.  Just like how I figured out how to cast my exercise videos and livestreams to the bigger screen of my television, I know how to make the little voice that tells me to go right, or left come through my car speakers.  I also am having an affair with my Google Mini, who has proven itself to be a better listener than my ex-spouse.  

I feel for my 96-year-old uncle who will never access his bank statement online or ask an inanimate object for today's Dow close.  I don't think he has ever touched a keyboard, be it a typewriter (he had a secretary for that), or a computer.  Remarkably when I visited him five years ago and 'facetimed' with my kids, he wanted to know why the camera was in the back of the phone and the speaker was in the front.  He was a tech guy in his time, working for electronic companies that are long defunct.  And while I don't expect that I could teach this old uncle new tricks, his mind had muscle memory in the technology department.  However he cannot get the best price at Publix or publicly park where payment is made by an app or at a  kiosk.  That is ageism. 

What is aging, beside more birthdays and a graying hair?  It is hearing a relative or friend tell the same story twice.  Or three times.  It is joining AARP, not only for the discounts, but for the trunk organizer.  It is getting giddy to score a pill sorter and nightlight at a Rhubarb Festival.  I am not kidding! For me it was letting go of pants with zippers and bras with underwires.  It is losing my glasses or keys on an almost daily basis.  On the positive side it means more time in my retired day to write and read.  It is the joy of grandchildren.  It is also keeping current and up to date with whatever the ever-rotating world throws my way.  Getting older doesn't mean I have to miss out.  It just means I cannot be remiss.  I can still learn and grow.  My pant size proves the latter to be true!  All I need now is a tank top that says, "Aging Gracefully to Avoid Ageism".  If only I had the wherewithal to order one myself.  On Etsy, or Cafe Press, or Zazzle.  When is my kid coming over?  Did I eat lunch?  I think today might be Thursday...

And a poem, because?  Why not!

This is It

by Jane Hillson Aiello

Revised October 2019 

This is it

My body

It is not getting thinner

Less wrinkled

Or firmer

This is it

Rimpled thighs

Rolls of belly

Reminder of babies

Bad habits

This is it

Functional

Adequate.  Able

To hold my spirit

My soul

Time to Write, 

Jane

 * Down the Shore - colloquialism for the Jersey Shore

** EOB - Explanation of Benefits

*** EFDA - Expanded Function Dental Auxiliary

**** ABC- Always Buy Colorado