The Receiving End

When I gave birth to my firstborn, I really knew nothing.  Sure my then husband and I toted pillows to a church basement to learn Lamaze.  He thought propping up against the pole and utilizing one of the pillows would be a good way to take a nap, so I was pretty much on my own.  I paid attention while panting my way through class with other oblivious couples.  When the time came my son got 'stuck' in my birth canal, or some such thing.  I ended up with a mid-forceps delivery.  My view of the birth was the blue hospital drape, cascading over the top of my knees.  I don't remember walking around to aid labor.  I mostly recall being bed ridden and in a fair amount of pain.

This weekend I spent about 10 hours stretched over two days in a hospital conference room with my 24 year old daughter who is due any week now.  This is not the Lamaze class of yesterday.  There was not too much breathing instruction, no panting like puppies.  From my 10+ years of yoga practice, I am confident I know more breathing techniques than the average bear.  My daughter is a shallow breather, and didn't like being prompted to breathe deeply.  The forceful exhale seemed more natural to her.  Perhaps when she is in labor she'll be glad I know how to breathe - it does keep me alive!  For the class, I just let it go.

This class focused on the myriad options for the mother and the few choices for the birth partner.  I am the partner.  I may have had three babies in five years, but this is her show.  She gets to call the shots.  Standing, kneeling, bouncing on a birthing ball, sideline with a blow-up peanut between her knees.  A true plethora of choices.  They really don't want mom in bed hanging out with stirruped legs.  It is now known this is the worst position to birth a baby.  Mom also gets to decide if she wants analgesia, an epidural or even nitrous oxide.  Imagine that - one can now laugh their way through labor.  Not really.  It is to help mom rest between contractions.

There was a mixed message of bring what you need - but everybody brings too much!  Home pillows are to be in brightly colored pillowcases, or they WILL be left behind.  The hospital has "comfort kits" for those who forget to grab anything.  Ice pops are available in the four familiar flavors; grape, cherry, lime and orange.  Ice chips are on the house!  Coaches can eat during labor, but not in front of mom. Slippers or slip-on sandals since it is 95 degrees as the daily temp in Colorado nowadays.  So much to remember.  It is hard to believe women in other cultures can rely on intuition and community, foregoing hospitals and classes and manage to deliver naturally.

Episiotomies used to be routine.  I had one and lucky me, lost my sutures.  NO said the nurse, that's impossible.  Till she looked in the loo and saw for herself.  Most women don't get an episiotomy automatically these days.  That's a good thing.  Encouraging the downward positions to deliver has helped lower these numbers.  In class we were encouraged to ask at every turn, with every recommendation "Is this necessary?"  That will be my job as a coach.  I think Natalina will be busy with other important details.  Like laboring.  And panting.

Am I ready for this?  I don't know.  I've only been on the giving end of this activity three times.  First a mid-forceps delivery, then two by C.  C-Section that is.  A surgical procedure that I pray my daughter is spared.  I feel more prepared than I did before devoting my weekend to this class and to my daughter and to my soon-to-be granddaughter.  I'm pretty clear that I am there to support, advocate and remember to ask the questions.

I've not had the privilege to be on the receiving end.  I'm not sure if I want to be that up close and personal with my daughter.  I mean, you can't un-see something once it has been seen.  But I'd like to 'catch' the baby if possible.  And I feel confident I can cut the cord.  I am a bit concerned about my stamina for this long haul.  I have rheumatoid arthritis and will need to take care of myself during this process.  Eat, drink a lot of water, rest when I can.  Sit if possible.  I might need a plan to call in a reinforcement, if need be.  I could start taking some adrenal support herbs to boost my fight or flight response to help with the duration.  Somehow I think I will muster up the needed resources and deliver on my promise to my daughter.  To be there when she needs me.

My valise* to stay a while at her apartment is packed, and my bug-out bag is also refreshed and ready to go.  Medicine for three weeks. Cell phone charger.  Tablet.  Pads and paper, 'cause a girls gotta write, right?  There is always the Sad Blue Store for last minute essentials.  If I can't sleep on the foldout in the mom/baby room, a hotel is conveniently located right next door to the hospital.  I am a firm believer in this regard; things work out the way they are supposed to.  I can't stress over what I don't know and most assuredly can't control.  But positive vibes, well wishes and prayers are always gratefully accepted.

Time to Write,

Jane

* valise